The Christmas Chronicles – Review

Genre Comedy
Directed by Clay Kaytis
Starring Kurt Russell, Judah Lewis, Darby Camp
Released on November 22, 2018
Duration 104 minutes
Flixxpanda Rating 3/10
Channel Netflix

Santa doesn’t really say “Ho Ho Ho”. That’s fake news.

That’s what Santa tells us in The Christmas Chronicles. Are you telling me my entire childhood is a lie? Wonderful.

Honestly, I thought Hollywood had decided to stop making Christmas movies. How long can you possibly milk the “holiday cheer”? Besides a movie that’s only relevant once a year? That’s a waste of budget. But none of that stopped Netflix this year. My log in screen on it looks like Christmas exploded there. BOOM. ‘Tis definitely the season to be jolly (just don’t log onto Netflix).

Anyway, so we’ve got The Christmas Chronicles. It definitely goes along with the standard Christmas movie cliché template but tries to add in a bit of modernism. Sadly, I wasn’t feeling it. The whole thing feels very 90s and adding in references to Uber doesn’t make it relevant today.

The Christmas Chronicles produced by Chris Columbus (he gave us Home Alone!) and Santa is played by Kurt Russell so hopes were already high. The movie just failed to hit the mark. It’s just that it’s very bland and nothing new. Add in the atrocious green screen scenes and it’s a recipe for disaster. The entire scenario of the jazzed up Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning is just so surreal, most viewers can’t even relate to it, I certainly couldn’t.

Here’s what goes down. At the center of everything is the Pierce family. Oliver Hudson plays the dad, Doug Pierce. He died on the job as a fireman rescuing families from a burning house. Very honorable. Kimberly Williams-Paisley plays the mum, Claire Pierce. She’s a hard working single mum now. She takes a shift on Christmas Eve, leaving her kids Kate (Darby Camp) and Teddy (Judah Lewis) alone. Kate is ten and Teddy is just on the brink of going to juvie. He’s already into underage drinking and stealing cars.

Kate loves her dad’s old camcorder (very old by the way). She’s recording a video message to Santa which Teddy comes and interrupts but oh well. Anyway, the two set up the camera to capture Santa. Santa arrives in all his twinkly eyed glory. A couple of crazy things happen. Santa’s sleigh gets damaged (can that even happen if it’s all magic though?). So, Teddy and Kate get stuck trying to repair it. If they fail Christmas will be miserable because children won’t get their gifts! All the spoiled brats will be mad! Oh no.

Sounds terrible? It is. Seriously, don’t waste your time. However, if you’re in desperate need for a Christmas movie at the next family gathering, pop this one out so you can all suffer together. Or if you want to torture your relatives, this is perfect for that. It’s only going to be remotely enjoyable if you’ve had a bit too much of eggnog and you’re full of that famous “Christmas Spirit”!

Video Credit – Netflix | YouTube

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